Quote of the day

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."

-George Eliot.

 

A man who is really a woman, who never was a man but uses a traditional male pen name.



Fascinating.

A new post. A new me.

I used to write.
I used to really enjoy it too.
Now look.
It has been over a year since I even set eyes on this blog.

To a fresh start! Sorta...

I have no excuse really. I can't say that I am a full time student and I am always writing papers and reading textbooks. Heck, I couldn't really use that as an excuse when I was in college. Who am I kidding? I never read textbooks.

Why am I so lazy?

I work full time though. Is that an excuse? I am only 22 and I am tired. I am worried for my future children. If I am tired now, what is going to happen in 5 years?!? Being one of those grown up things... its hard.

To never growing up! Sorta...

I have a really big office and I work for a non-profit. Seems like the life. Seems like a good gig. Yet everyone is quitting. One lady is on anti-depressants. The other was worried she was going to kill her unborn child she was so stressed. Another lady slams the phone with more anger and frustration than I have ever seen and when she smiles, if she smiles, its for a half a second. It's quite odd actually.

Then there is me.
In my big office.
With my tiny plant I can't keep alive.

Lesson 1: Don't work with all ladies. No fun. Need testosterone to keep things interesting.

Lesson 2: Having a big office with big windows, isn't worth all the hype. I think I would rather have NO office and be out in the midst of the action. At the crime scene. The photo shoot. The recording studio. The Olympics. The Ellen Degeneres show.

To writing again!

Houstonians

I love traveling. I always have. This could be do to the fact that my dad served in the Military for 20 years making me an Army Brat. Maybe I just learned to like traveling now that he is retired. Today, I am in Houston, Texas. A part of me says that I am back home because I was born just north of here in Killeen and the humidity reminds me of North Carolina. Another part of me actually misses the Mormon infested, mountainous state of Utah. I did not realize how much I loved Utah until I came here. Houston has got nothing on Mormonville. It is hot, humid and other than NASA there is not much to do down here in the dirty south. Well, it is not that dirty but I found myself very disappointed when I did not see a plethora of cowboy hats when I exited the plane. I have seen thus far a total of four and this is my third day here. Speaking of planes, I get to ride one of NASAs, the VOMIT COMET. I have not actually vomited in years but I am getting anxious to find out whether or not the name of the aircraft will ring true for me. Anyway, despite the fact that there is not much to do and my skin is constantly damp throughout the day, the people here are more friendly than the characters at Disneyland. When I got off the bus and walked to another bus stop with all my luggage, I sat and waited. I waited for an hour. A local saw me and asked, "are you ok?" With a smile and a slight chuckle I said yes. The same person came back to the bus stop and sat across from me and asked again, "are you ok?" The first thing I thought was, "wow people are nice here!" It's not that Utah is not nice it's just that Utah is shy, or maybe just too self observed to say hello. I hope I am not considered a Utahn. This Houstonian, born and raised was Victor. For a moment I forgot about the heat and humidity. He asked me if I saw the game last night and motioned for a piece of gum when I got a piece for myself. Another Houstonian said a pretty eyes in a Spanish accent. Ten more walking the streets were homeless caring more grocery bags than I carry after I walk out of a grocery store with two weeks of groceries. One Houstonian was shaking, drawing shapes in the air and talking to himself. What an adventure! Oh, and I am a minority again. It is quite refreshing.

An adventure

I would like to go on a very long adventure. Recently, I traveled the whopping 18 or so miles to Salt Lake City, by myself, and had an adventure. The best part of that outdoor expo was this....

Oh the little joys in life! I believe this old, abandoned building was supposed to say, "The Glass Factory." As I snickered to myself, I remembered I had my camera in my bag. One picture and I have sealed this happiness for my viewing any time I want. This is better than a stress ball. I suggest, find those little joys in life, as silly as they may be, because they are what make this world go round!

Shalom

I am aware how depressing this is but I was thinking about the holocaust. And then I felt impressed to write about it and it ended up rhyming. And then I felt proud to be an American.

Like an ocean wave, violent and untamed

Brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers

wearing numbers as names

taking one life for another

Where is the cause, where is the reason?

Soldiers, leaders, neighbors and friends

All in favor for a collective treason

Will there be justice, that will make amends?

Will there be a second chance?

Tommy, Sara, Bobby and Beth

have little air and zero stance

Like a wilting flower taking its last breath

A young boy lifts his head

"The Americans have come!"

"At last there will be no more dead"

Shalom, Shalom, Shalom, Shalom.

Cold Runnings

I went running today.

Not a good idea.

Why on Earth would I decide to go running when it's 10 degrees outside without any gloves?

I will tell you why.

Despite the fact that I haven't had any real exercise for over three weeks and I am sure my esophagus is frozen from intensely breathing through my mouth, which is my fault for being a stubborn mouth breather opposed to the recommended nose inhalation, running is good for you.

Who decided that!? My back hurts, my hands are dry, my knees hurt, my hair is a mess, my ankles hurt, my eyes are dry, my shins hurt, my lips are dry... and so on. The only thing that doesn't exude pain are my eye lashes, that is, of course, because they can't feel pain. Lucky ducks.

After exerting myself, I dread what came next. I ate. Well, running makes me hungry! No surprise there, everything makes me hungry but the fact that I ran to burn off all the junk I ate last night, todays' binge completely overwrites any efforts to erase my guilty pleasures.

So what is the point!? To live longer you say? Well, I hate to break it to you but we are all going to die anyway. As for losing weight to look "hot" to the opposing sex, if you don't like me for my curvaceous body type, which was very popular before "high fashion" came along mind you, I don't really care.

So, I have come to the conclusion that there aren't that many physical benefits but I have a few personal benefits.

1. I got to listen to my NEW Ipod

2. I got out of the house

3. I watched the sunset

a. Utah is entirely surrounded by mountains and the wests' natural towers were disappearing with the sun, due to fog. It looked like someone had taken an eraser and smudged God's painting. Only the very top could be seen, the sharp points of the mountains and only because the sun was it's back light, providing a pinkish tint. Breath taking.

4. I felt FAST!

5. I got to say I ran for whatever the distance of 7000 steps is, thanks to my pedometer on my NEW Ipod.

It started and ended with the Ipod. You can see where my priorities are. Forget weight-loss new years resolutions. Who keeps those anyway?

May my spirits be bright?

I cannot begin to fathom why people do not like winter. I propose this question. HAVE YOU LOOKED OUT YOUR WINDOW? Have you looked passed your TV screen and Facebook page? I challenge you this; Drop the Wi, Xbox, Nintendo, what have you! Crank the fireplace, drink hot cocoa and dance to your favorite Christmas tune.

Stop. Breathe.

Look around at this glorious world we live in. Icicles branch off the cold tree pretending like they are leaves' replacement.

"Purple mountain majesty!"

Snowball fights are procrastinations' best friend and snowflakes cling to your hair stronger than any bobby pin. Winter is the only time you can actually see your breath, where every time you speak you paint a temporary canvas.

If you asked me...

I'd say Winter is breath taking.

The Running Man

People always say that College is the time of your life. I couldn't agree more. Every day is a different adventure from living off canned soup and cereal to people watching on campus. One of my favorite people watching moments is what I like to call "The Running Man."

A man that looks slightly too old to be at the average age of a college student and that looks slightly bald... ok REALLY bald, runs, with his shirt off. He runs around campus with nothing but his sneakers and shorts. He is physically fit so it isn't disturbing to look at other than the fact he sweats more in 5 minutes than I do in 5 years. He looks almost as if he is sparkling in the sun like... EDWARD! ha! But old and aging. Anyway... This man runs around the heart of campus, climbs three steps up to one of the student "hang-outs," the water fountain, stops, turns around and, I kid you not, cheers. His arms are thrown in the air with exasperation but also with exhaustion. He then looks towards the sky and shouts, "Yes... Yes... YES!!" Without a rest he drops into "downward facing dog," almost, and knocks out some push-ups. Five, ten, TWENTY!

Baldy jumps up and does it all again, ending each set with "YES!!"

This is within the norm of some of the things I see on a regular basis. Some people have noticed others are too busy to drop everything and watch.

Maybe I do it too much but I always find time to sit and people watch. Truth is stranger than fiction and people watching is the epitome of strange.

OCTOBER!!

Why I love October...

Orange Leaves

Pumpkin oreo shakes (and I usually don't like pumpkin!)

The smell of the Pumpkin Bisque Soup in the Sky Restaraunt

Yellow Leaves

65 degree weather

Scarves

Red Leaves

My pink hat!

Corn mazes

HALLOWEEN

Hot Chocolate

Apple Cider

BOOTS!

Oh life is good in October.

What if...

What if you WERE the light of my life? If you died before me would my world be dark?

What if when we wanted joy, we really did have to "jump" for it?

What if time DID fly? Would we see clocks in a V Formation?

And if you Killed time... would you be shooting down those clocks with your shotgun?

What if love really WAS capable of BREAKING HEARTS? Could we survive that?

What if we REALLY did eat horses when we were hungry?

What if we COULD see "Gold Silence" just floating around?

What if life WAS a Box of Chocolates? High blood sugar, diabetes, sedentary jobs... oh wait... life IS a box of chocolates!!!

What if you HAD a heavy heart? Would you be more exhausted from carrying around that weight?

What if life really was just another metaphor...?

SHARK WEEK!

I didn't understand the rage, this past week, that was created from "Shark Week." Then I turned on the Discovery Channel. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF THOSE THINGS!? From the minute I turned it on I realized what exactly WAS all the rage. Sharks are the freakiest yet the coolest and most fascinating of the sea creatures... the KINGS of the water! The whole time I sat there my eyes were glued and everything going on around me, any outside noise, was totally blocked out, except, of course, my mother. She is ALWAYS the exception.

"MOM! This is SO SO SO COOL!"

"You haven't seen 'Jaws' have you?"

"What, why?"

"You wouldn't think this was so cool if you saw 'Jaws.'"

I DID see Jaws, and Jaws was CRAP compared to this real life stuff! Sharks attack seals as fast as 25 miles an hour, shooting above the surface of the water! Can Hollywood's fake sharks do that? NO!

Can Hollywood EVER compare to nature in it's entirety? NO!!

Watch Discovery Channel. Go learn something! It will blow your mind!

A little Slam.... now read it with feeling!

Do you want me?

All of me?

Do you like what you see?

Tell me now!

And I will tell you how

Look….

I have places to go

I have places to be

I don’t want to play this game

Was there a spark?

Was there a flame?

Why waste time?

When I so obviously heard bells chime

This isn’t a crime!

Just tell me

Do you feel the same?

Here’s the deal

You make money, I’ll make meal

This life will be nothing but real

All this comes with all that

I want a house a dog not a cat

I want kids

So…

Do you want me

All of me?

This is not a chant not a curse

I’m just sayin if you want me

Love me first!

Big Kids

Adults are merely big kids. In all aspects, they are larger, taller and wiser (so they say).

That's it. Look around.

I was on the plane, bored of my leisure reading, tired of sleeping and uncomfortable. This leads to wandering eyes. I like to watch people, as said so many times previously.

Taking off and landing creates a sort of equality.

Every person young and old, tall and small, thin and "more to love" turns into, if not already, a child, cocking their heads in odd positions, moving rapidly, leaning over, invading personal space. All this in order to look out the tiny plane window in hopes to see something they have never seen before. The odds are, unlikely. But despite the probability they insist on supporting their fascination for life outside the plane, though they were just there.

Up in the air, seat belts on, out come the toys. Again united in puerility. Look at it as a generality. The adults take out their toys, i.e. laptops, phones, I-Pads...etc. The "children" take out their toys, i.e. gameboys, coloring books, I-pods, dolls...etc. A toy is a toy and the fact is every person on that plane felt the need to be occupied or busy and chose to use that time to "play."

Adults are "big kids" outside the airport, of course! Think... every time a youngster wants something their puppy dog eyes and pouty lips take over their small face. We, adults, do the EXACT same thing! Our voice inflection changes completely and not to mention our level of nice is raised a whole level in attempt to win over the "requestee."

Everybody wants their chicken noodle soup and TLC when they are ill, regardless of age.

Everybody has said "CAN I SEE!? CAN I SEE!?"

Everybody has told a little white lie.

Everybody suffers from jealousy.

Everybody is impatient.

Everybody cries.

And so on and so on!

So what makes an adult different from a "kid?"

Debt and facial hair!

Goodbyes

Why are goodbyes so long and drawn out?

On the phone: "Well, thank you so much for calling."

"Yeah, it was really nice to talk to you."

"Yeah you too!, have a good day"

"you do the same!"

"OK talk to you later!"

"OK bye!"

"Bye"

See how unnecessary all that was. Simplified version:

"Well, gotta go, bye!"

(Hang up)

In the car: "Thanks for dropping me off!"

"No problem!"

"Tonight was fun, see you tomorrow!"

"OK bye! I love you!"

"I love you too! Drive safe!"

"OK I will thanks!"

"Welcome! Bye!"

"Bye!"

Simplified version:

"Thanks, bye!" (Door shut)

Look how much time, gas and cellphone minutes you save!

There are always exceptions, like when you are flirting with a cute guy and you need to go but you don't want to. For example "It was really nice talking to you."

"I feel the same!"

"I really have to go."

"So hang up!"

"You hang up first!"

"No YOU hang up!"

"No YOU!"

"No, no NO! YOU hang up!"

"OK on the count of three! ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"You didn't hang up did you?"

"NO! hahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahaheheheheHOHOHO!"

That is completely acceptable. When it comes to future relationships and possible romances, take as long as you want. If not...... JUST SAY GOOD BYE ALREADY!!! If you are one of those "I don't believe in goodbyes" kind of people, WALK AWAY. If the other person is offended, that is a personal issue they need to work out on their own. Probably an insecurity.

Bye.

Serenade

(Inspired by the poetry slam, those things make you think and WRITE!)

Sing me a sweet melodic serenade like none other.

Sing from your heart words you've collaborated with your brain.

Sing me rainbows of hymns filled with desire and passion, that no one's heard.

Sing from your memory words you've accumulated with the present.

Sing that song you've wanted to sing for so long.

Sing me rhymes of lust, love, life.

Live

Life

Loving

ME

Only me.

Wake UP!

People don't realize...

That there is someone ALWAYS watching when:

You pick your wedgie and/or nose (hopefully not at the same time)

There is a mirror, reflective window or any other reflective surface and you check yourself out

You take a nap on campus or anywhere for that matter

There is a major public display of affection

There is a loud laugh

You feel good and you KNOW you look good

That when you fall/trip:

People are laughing, on the inside and out

People avoid your path of choice that led to the fall

Empathy immediately takes affect by using such words such as, "ouch" or "That's gotta hurt"

You probably aren't going to have the best day

No matter who you are, you are literally PISSED off

You feel awful and you KNOW you look awful

That when you drive:

The windows ARE transparent

People/drivers ARE judging you

This means you should be done getting ready and NOT putting on mascara, wearing a towel and... Breastfeeding?!?!

You cut me off, I will follow you home

Playing rock/paper/scissors is the funnest game to play with the car next to you

You think you are a good dancer but don't KNOW other drivers will beg to differ

That what goes around comes around when:

You spit out gum on the sidewalk/street/desk/wherever, it will find you

You talk behind someones back or to their face

You lie

You help someone with homework, crossing the street or up when they fall

You are loud keeping your neighbors/roommates up

You steal

You think you are the shiz

People don't realize...

Poem

This is a poem, entitled Poem.

Here I am

Writing a poem

And not doing what is at the top of my priority list

because I am writing a poem

There I was

Writing a poem

And not doing what was at the top of my priority list

because I was writing a poem

Here I am

Finished with my poem entitled Poem

with nothing done from my priority list

because I wrote a poem

Freezing Fog

Today I woke up to the "freezing Fog," as is called by USU. A dark cold day, but a great day!

Instead of listening to music as I walked to school I listened to people, cars and wind, the music naturally made by everyday life. If I did listen to music like always, I wouldn't have heard the exact moment one car hit another. For that brief moment, I was happy I didn't have a car.

Instead of paying attention in class I let my mind wander. I like this. My mind takes me so far away from reality, for that brief moment, I was completely content with life. They say when this happens you are "outside of your mind" but I think I was definitely very consumed in it!

Instead of doing homework in the hour break I had between classes, I attempted to take a nap. I lay down on a couch, in a hall where quite a few students pass. I couldn't sleep except for a brief moment.

Instead of going to the gym and working off the many calories I eat in a day, I went grocery shopping, only to eat some more. I mooched a ride from a friend who claimed it felt like we were married. For that brief moment I was... well, I really didn't know how to respond to that.

Instead of doing homework, now that I was done for the day of classes, I played guitar for 3 hours. I sang about anything and everything, at the top of my lungs, without a care in the world. For that brief moment I was amused. The walls in my apartment are paper thin and ALL my roommates were home.

Instead of paying (fully) attention to the "State of the Union," I fell into my mind again. For that brief moment, I hoped that no one in the room could read my mind and see how immature I really can be.

Instead of listening to (Zacks sad) music, I played truth, a game that I can so rarely be COMPLETELY honest in. For that brief moment I felt vulnorable, revealed and relieved. I love that game.

Today I will sleep in this "Freezing Fog." It is dark and I am cold but it was a great day.

Things that make me smile

A guy walking his walk with his head phones in singing and slightly swaying to himself. At that brief moment he was happy. At that brief moment I was happy too.

Someone smiling to themselves or better yet literally laughing out loud. Smiling and laughing really are contagious. Spread the word, or smile.

A truly unique style. I saw a woman wearing a bohemian skirt with pants underneath and leg warmers on top and tennis shoes. She's got style. haha

City and Colour, a band.

Bon Iver, another band.

Guster, the BEST band.

A couple in obvious, newly discovered love. I LOVE love.

A couple that has been in love for 50 years. When I see a wrinkly, grey grandpa and his wife walking on the side walk with their hands clasped tight, still laughing at each others jokes, it makes me whole week.

Friends. Friends really are family you choose for yourself. I don't know what I would do without the constant shoulder to cry on and the things my greatest friends do to make me laugh.

A stranger's hello. No one says hello or waves anymore like in those old 1950's movies except for my family. I guess we really are old fashion. But it isn't so bad in black and white is it?

Slipping, falling, PLUMMETING, laughing. Tis the season for the occasional bump on the head and bruise on the butt. It hurts but its funny.

Discovery, adventure. Trying something new every day. Like a midnight bike ride.

An unexpected hug. Wearing a shirt that says "Free hugs" is fun and everything but wouldn't you rather have a hug that was completely unexpected and not for the reason of putting a "kick me" sticker on someones back?

P eople. People make me laugh. I consider myself very independent. I can live on my own, take care of myself, I don't need anybody. But in this sense, I am dependent. I feed off other's energy, foolishness, happiness, sadness, anger, etc. People are wonderful. Look around. Notice all kinds of different people, uniquely sculpted and constructed. People make me smile, everyday. :)

The best things in life...

aren't always fun, but down the road seem VERY funny.

make me laugh.

and sometimes cry.

anger joins in every once in a while.

aren't free.

aren't predictable.

are sometimes things you don't realize are the 'best things in life' till they're gone.

can surprise you.

The best things in life aren't always the best things in life but they make us who we are, that's why they really are the best things because no one can change you except for you and you are unique because of these things.