Gym.

I love to go to the gym. I love people watching. Exercising is good too.

The first thing I do is get on the treadmill. I am OH so far from running a marathon but I manage to burn a few calories, witness something great, smell something foul and nearly fall to my death at least two and half times. Once because I tried to change my music on my MP3 player and for some reason can't run straight without looking straight, so I stepped on the none-moving part of the 'mill' and tripped and wobbled oddly like a bobble head trying to stop myself. (Stupid law of Inertia!) My foot stopped but the rest of my body was still in motion. Second, I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Second and half, I tried to change songs but then my battery died. Blessing in disguise. They always say third time is a charm, I was bound fall.

The "something foul" was the big guy in front of me on the elliptical machine. It wasn't B.O... I don't mind B.O... well, when at the gym. And I know that passing of the gas is completely natural but COME ON! THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU... SIR! (my dad always said that I was mean but had manners... haha) I didn't really say it to him but I was sure as heck thinkin' it! I tried to just run faster to get away from the smell but I was stationary. "I'm on a treadmill... crap."

The 'something great' was a man. I am guessing about 70+ years old. He was weight lifting but not just red faced, vain popping and heavy breathing lifting like normal people do, he wasn't red at all, maybe even a little yellow. When he breathed it wasn't hard but short puffs. "34... pqu... pqu... pqu.... 35...pqu...pqu...pqu..." It sounded like a little boy playing with toy guns and making the shooting sounds with his mouth. It was great! I couldn't stop laughing... on the inside of course, I didn't want to get jumped. Haven't you seen Gran Torino? Old guys can kick major butt! His gray, slightly yellow wrinkled face and puckered pale lips creating the most strange noise, made my day.

As for the few pounds... those are burned by, no not running, but holding myself up on the handles of the treadmill. It's moving alright, but I am too lazy to actually run. I don't want to slow it down and walk because I want people to see my speed. That's when I realize they won't be looking at my speed... alright I guess I'll run. SMACK! Third time is a charm.

Stupidity, Jokes, sarcasm and Really?

So, my mom is German. That makes me, I'm proud to say, half German. The food, the culture and traditions are great! It's when I tell people I am German and that I have lived there for a while that it gets very sarcastic.

"WOW... you lived in Germany? So... are you like a Nazi?"

Here comes my "really...?" stare also known as (named by my sisters on spring break) "stupid look"

"Uh yeah... I killed thousands of Jews over 50 years ago, I just look REALLY young for my age."

Here comes their "wait... what?" stare.

I would think that you don't have to be German to know the history of one of the biggest, inhumane acts of the century. Well, I couldn't let this person keep thinking that every German they will come across is a Nazi, especially me! But when I tell them that not only am I NOT a Nazi or even my grandparents but that not all Nazis were German, they don't believe me.

It's like when someone already makes up their mind about something, there is nothing that will change it. Nothing.

"Did you know you could lose your virginity from a tampon?" My friend said VERY bluntly and confidently and WRONGLY!!

Uh Oh here it comes... I can't help it.... It's on stoppable... It's the "REALLY?" look.

"When you lose your virginity, you have to actually have sex with another person..."

"No! I read about it."

"Oh OK... well I guess it's true than."

Sometimes when I am sarcastic or making a joke, I don't like to laugh because I think it makes the joke funnier and the sarcasm a free and painless entertainment, especially when people take you serious.

"Sometimes I wish people would just DIE!"

"Oh, be careful what you wish...AHHHHHHH!" Said with complete seriousness. I thought it was funny but was I the only one? No one was laughing... I am not the one who feels stupid for spontaneously screaming in a public place... I would think everyone else would feel stupid for not getting the joke.

I think another reason why I don't like laughing at my own jokes is because it would make me a hypocrite. I really don't like when people make a joke, laugh and then say "Get it?! Get it!? Because..."

My mom is the best person that provides the best time to use sarcasm.

Standing right in front of her she asked, "Are you out of the bathroom?"

Because she is my mom, I can't flash her my "Really?" look so I just graced her with my sarcastic remarks. "No mom, I'm still in there and here at the same time, I was able to clone myself while in there so I could answer you. I guess the bathroom is used for a lot more than you would think."

I really do love teasing people. When I lived in the dorms my roommate and I liked to take our mattresses off our beds and put them in the living room to have a "sleepover." A guy from across the hall literally stepped over the mattress to walk to my room and noticed my springs from my bed.

"Whoa, where did your mattress go?"

("Really?") "I actually like sleeping without it. I think it helps my back, no pillow or anything. I even like it when my hair gets caught in the springs and pulled in separate directions."

Yeah I am a smart a** sometimes... but it's so much fun! I mean COME ON... He stepped right over it!

Really...?

:)

It all started with my name

My name is Anike. It's pronounced like Aunikeh or kind of like Hanukkah, in fact that's what I tell people.

"My name is Anike, It rhymes with Hanukkah!"

"(LOL) huh, how do you spell it?"

"A. N. I. K. E."

"Oh so the 'E' is pronounced like an 'A'"

"No, it's pronounced like an 'E'"

Then they react with a small, failed attempt at discreetness, roll of their eyes. Look people, I think I know how to spell my name and pronounce it. I have been Anike for a couple of years now, I think I got down.

"It's Dutch!"

"Oh, from like Germany?"

"No... from 'like' Holland a.k.a. the Netherlands"

"...Neverland?"

"Yes, I am from Neverland. And I am actually 437 years old this August but I just 'don't want to grow up.'"

OK that is a little exaggerated but people really are dumb.

"So can you speak Dutch?"

"No, I know a little German though... Ich spreche ein bisschen deutsch."

"Yeah, Dutch... same thing."

"No... they are two different languages not to mention countries."

Then they, again, react with a small, failed attempt at discreetness, roll of their eyes.... You're right. I have no idea what I am talking about. I only lived in Germany for seven years but Dutch and Deutsch are the same.

Growing up with this name has been great and entertaining. In school especially during roll call.

Teacher: "Jake Nelson, John Newbold, Sarah Pratt, Jessica Puckett, Randy Porter.... ............ A........ On..... On NIKE.... Ann.... AnEkee? miss... miss.. Pullens?.... uhNiKE?

Me: interrupting before this goes to far... "It's Anike."

Teacher: "Oh like Monica?"

Me: "sure."

My favorite mispronunciation was Anakin. Yes, My parents DID name me after a Star Wars character but without an 'N' on the end. It's like when you have an existing letter thats silent except my name has an extra, not silent, consonant at the end and it's invisible.

I don't think my name is THAT unusual. But my experiences and encounters with people beg to differ. I went through this strange phase in middle school... don't we all? Well, one time in the girls bathroom, I was wearing a dark, grayish, purplish, corduroy outfit... with a chain on the side.... and a couple of girls looked at me and asked, "are you goth or something?" I just replied with, "No, just Anike."

They reacted, of course, with a small, failed attempt at discreetness, roll of their eyes. But walked out talking quietly to each other. "What's ONikeh?"

I didn't mind the nicknames like Nike, A-NIke, Nikus, Nikes, or On and Onie. In fact I loved it because it brought attention to me and made me different. When I was real young I would write letters to my mom and sign my name A (and the NIKE symbol) Swoosh. I thought that made it faster and easier to spell my name for someone. Not really.

"How do you spell that?"

"A-Nike"

Then they write A. N. I. K.... "A?"

"No... 'E'... A-Nike....? Like the shoe...?"

"what? How?"

"Ok... a. n. i. k. E."

"Ann IKE?"

"yep...ok bye!"

When I met my friend Tanner, he found out my name was spelt A-NIKE, and decided to call me Adidas. He is still the only person to ever come up with that nickname... I haven't decided if I like it yet... I don't even wear anything Adidas... I am a true NIKE fan. It just suits me I think.

I have had many other nicknames, like giggles, white girl, white chocolate, German, Nazi... but we will get into that another day.